Alright,

We speak about "getting our groove back" "getting back on the saddle" etc. etc. Especially when we get older in life.

Our goal is to destabilize that. The idea of being sexually active constantly, and having frequent interactions with a sexual interest to feel validated, and that you are in the "groove" only when having multiple people in your life - is a toxic way of thinking.

(*Caveat -we are not talking about getting back feeling like your normal self. For example, if you experience loss and you finally feel like you can commit to the things you loved to participate with. We are speaking of societal pressure to appease a certain standard, whether that's beauty, body, sex, and adventure.)

Here's why (we think so)

We constantly seek validation especially from external sources, whether that be social media, friends, or lovers. This constant sourcing for validation places an unrealistic and unhealthy obsession with maintaining a level of sexual prowess, happiness (or appearance of), adventure, and "spark." This warped reality leads to relationships ending prematurely (occasionally). Immediately we are seeking gratification and chemistry, and that "saddle" endlessly.

For example, it's completely normal to have dry spells with your sexual partner or your spouse where you do not have sex. The key here is communicating that you are feeling like you are not interested in having sex right now. Having inactivity is a healthy part of sexual wellness, as it gives you time to reflect, refocus, and recalibrate how you want to engage sexually again. Our societies have conditioned us to speak very lightly about sex, or not speak at all about it, which becomes problematic.

The way we want to be interpreted is not always the way we are experienced.

If your partner is not interested in being sexual right now, it may not be an issue with you but you may interpret it that way, or you may project that they are seeing someone else (if you are in a monogamous intimate relationship). Most often a period of inactivity is greeted with a loss of spark, flame, groove, or interest. When a period of rest is always needed. What we lose in our physical communication needs to be addressed using verbal/talk communication.

There is nothing wrong with having sex, choosing to masturbate is still sexually active, choosing nothing at all is a part of wellness. We need to curb the pressure to "be on it" - it's unattainable, harmful, and destroys beautiful interaction.